In Which Piglet Confronts the Prospect of Excessive Attention, Rabbit Maintains Plausible Deniability and Winnie-the-Pooh Prepares for a Very Long Journey

By Jed Miller

No one knew quite what had changed in the Hundred Acre Wood, but something was different. One day at Christopher Robin's house, Winnie-the-Pooh and his good friend Piglet were enjoying a little smackerel of something, when Christopher Robin, who knew more about Things than anyone else (except maybe Owl, in Certain Situations), said that what was different was that Pooh and his friends were "Getting Renewed Meateater Attention."

Piglet shifted uncomfortably in his chair.  "Christopher Robin," he asked, "what exactly does a Meateater do?"

"Well, it follows you everywhere and it looks at you."

"Even me?" asked Piglet, who wasn't sure why anybody, even someone as hungry as a Meateater would ever take notice of a creature as Small and Harmless as a Piglet.

"Oh, the Meateater looks at everyone.  It has about a hundred eyes and it looks and looks and looks at you all the time."

"Even while you're having a little smackerel of something?" asked Pooh.

"Yes, Pooh," said Christopher Robin.

"I suppose I shouldn't mind so much if someone watched me having a little smackerel of something, so long as they didn't eat more than their share."

"The Meateater always wants more than its share," said Christopher Robin knowingly.  "And sometimes it has a Meateater Frenzy."

"Wh-what's that?!" said Piglet in a quavering voice that sounded frightened until he sneezed very grandly a moment later, leaving you to wonder if it had been more of an after-fear quaver or a before-sneeze quaver.

"I'm afraid I don't know exactly what it is," said Christopher Robin.  "But I suspect Owl would."

So they set out for Owl's house.  But on Owl's door they found a note that said: "GON TO RABITS TO FORULMELATE MEDIA STRATITCHY."  Christopher Robin said that MEDIA meant something about Meateaters.  Pooh didn't know what STRATITCHY meant, but he remembered a Terrible Itch that he had once had and said that if a Meateater was itchy, it might go into a Frenzy that was Particularly Nasty, so they had better hurry.

As they hurried on to Rabbit's, Piglet, trying to sound as brave as he could, asked Christopher Robin if Meateaters would actually eat someone.  Christopher Robin said he wasn't certain, but he guessed that since they mostly liked to look at you, Meateaters probably wouldn't eat you, because then they wouldn't have anything to look at.  After hearing this, Piglet's step picked up considerably and he stopped every ten paces to do a little dance, muttering "wouldn't actually eat someone" to himself as he went.

When they knocked at Rabbit's door, there was no answer at first, but then a voice that sounded like Rabbit with a dishtowel over his mouth called out "Go away!  On advice of counsel, I decline to comment!"  They were about to knock again when a second voice, that sounded very much like Owl with a wing over his beak, called out "The taking of flash pictures is strictly prohibited."  No one outside the door knew quite what this meant.  Nor, apparently did anyone behind the door, for there followed a great commotion, which ended when Rabbit himself threw open the door and said "Oh!  It's only you," and let them all in.

After a few minutes of Hullo's and some explanations, which Rabbit insisted on calling "getting our story straight," Owl told them that he had in fact heard of such a thing as a Meateater Frenzy.

"It was my great-uncle Roderick," said Owl, "who cautioned me that, in a Meateater Frenzy, one's Best Course is always to Deny Everything Unless Caught Red-Handed."

Pooh thought about this for a long time.  Once, after accidentally eating all the honey in the house, he had decided it was a good time to see if his paw could fit inside a jar of raspberry jam.  The jar and Pooh had begun a Serious Discussion of the question, but just when Pooh felt the first bits of jam with the tip of his paw, he also discovered that his paw was stuck in the jar.  The Discussion had thus been inconclusive, and Pooh had been left knowing a great deal about the feel of raspberry jam, but not nearly enough about the taste.  Remembering this, Pooh remarked to himself that being Red-Handed was not always such a bad thing, but being Caught made it rather difficult to enjoy.

After Christopher Robin had listened to Owl explain the importance of "Maintaining Deniability," and after Rabbit had assured Pooh that there was absolutely no honey or condensed milk anywhere in the house (Rabbit had maintained deniability by keeping all his food at the hole of one of his Friends and Relations), the three set out again, to find out how the rest of the Hundred Acre Wood was facing up to the prospect of a Meateater Frenzy.

Pooh remarked to himself that being Red-Handed was not always such a bad thing, but being Caught made it rather difficult to enjoy.

Tigger, who knew something about Being In a Frenzy, agreed that once you were In a Frenzy, it was sometimes difficult to Regain Control.  And Eeyore, who had once lost a Tale, said that when your Tale was in someone else's hands it was bound to get Bent and Twisted, and that even if you got it back, you would Never Look Quite the Same.  No one knew where Kanga and Roo were, but Christopher Robin said Kanga had probably taken Roo away somewhere, because a Meateater Frenzy was an Unsafe Place for Small Children.

The next day, Christopher Robin came to Pooh and told him he was being sent away on a very long journey to somewhere called the Knighted Estates.  "What's it like there?" asked Pooh.

"There's it's like a Meateater Frenzy almost all the time.  But you'll be safe, Bear, because you'll be in a special box with Piglet and Eeyore and Kanga and Tigger."

"If it's called the Knighted Estates," asked Bear with a frown, "will I be a Knight, then?"

Christopher Robin thought for a moment.  "Yes, Pooh," he said, "Yes, I should think you will."

"And will there be honey?"

"No, Pooh."

"Oh," said Pooh, and then walked on silently for a moment.  "Well," he concluded, "I shall at least be glad to have Piglet there with me.  Because when you are a Knight trapped in a Special Box with No Food and a Meateater Frenzy going on all around you, Good Company can be a Very Reassuring Thing."